Pilot
Pilot is the series premiere of "The War At Home." It premiered on September 11, 2005. Plot Dave refuses to let his 16-year-old daughter, Hillary go out on a date with a guy older than her, so in order to deceive him, she brings a new "study buddy" over to the house instead. At the same time, Dave and Vicky are having trouble trying to figure out how to understand their son, Larry. Trivia *The Gold family lives in Nassau County on Long Island in New York. *Dave is the only character to have a Long Island dialect. Quotes :Dave: I only have one simple rule for dating my teenage daughter: if she sees your penis, I'll cut it off! :Vicky: (to Hillary about Hillary's date with a senior) Is that true? :Hillary: No. He's a freshman... in college. :Vicky: Hillary! :Hillary: Are you gonna make a big deal out of this? :(Cut scene) :Dave: Okay. Okay, be firm, but understanding. It's all the way you say it. :(Reality) :Dave: No ****ing way are you going! :Dave: Taye. Tha-Tha-That's an interesting name. :Taye: Yeah, it's short for "Boo-tay." :Mike: If you think about it, PlayStation, is, uh, is really less a game and more an educational toy. :Vicky: Oh. You mean the $200 one we already said you're not getting? :Mike: Mom, we can afford it. Why else do you work at that doctor's office? :Vicky: To get out of the house. :Dave: Hey, whatever happened to, uh, "Parents that smoke have kids that smoke"? :Vicky: You really want to make an issue out of this, Mr. "Pornography in Your Sock Drawer"? 'Cause I'm willing to quit anytime you are. :Vicky: Oh, and I told Larry he could stay over at Kenny's Friday night. :Dave: Again? :Vicky: Yeah. :Dave: At 15, you don't have sleepovers, okay? Whatever you do with a buddy, you can finish by 10:00. I'm telling you, he's gay. :Vicky: You don't know that. :Dave: Vicky, when you don't know if someone's gay or not, they're always gay. :Vicky: He's not gay. He's a normal kid. All right, he's not normal, but he's not gay. :Hillary: Guess what, Dad? I can lose my virginity just as easily at 4:00 in the afternoon as I can at midnight. :Dave: Oh, good to know. Your new curfew's 3:30. :Dave: My dad had it easy. In his day, if you brought home a paycheck and didn't beat your kids, you were father of the year. :Kenny: Hey, you wanna come over? I just got the new Kelly Clarkson CD. :Larry: You're so gay sometimes! :(Cut scene) :Kenny: He was just kidding, right? He doesn't know... does he? :Larry: Dad, I'm not gay. :Dave: What? I'm just, you know, making conversation here. But if you were, you know... a gay, we'd love you no matter what! Not that you are... are you? :Larry: (sarcastically) Yes, I am. I am a gay. Kenny isn't my best friend. He's my lover. So, would you prefer if he calls you Dave or dad? :(Cut scene) :Dave: We always told them we had no favorites but, who's kidding who. This kid isn't even in the running! Category:Episodes Category:Season 1